I first played Road Rash when I was merely a child. Incapable of fully understanding the unmitigated awesomeness of annihilating other bikers with chains, I simply drove the motorcycle as fast as I could. I have since learned that in order to fully experience all that Road Rash offers, one must explore the outer limits of the butt-whooping possibilities. Be creative. Try knocking an opponent into oncoming traffic.
Unleash hitherto unknown beat-downs upon your unsuspecting, foolish, ill prepared, boorish enemies.
I first played Road Rash when I was merely a child. Incapable of fully understanding the unmitigated awesomeness of annihilating other bikers with chains, I simply drove the motorcycle as fast as I could. I have since learned that in order to fully experience all that Road Rash offers, one must explore the outer limits of the butt-whooping possibilities. Be creative. Try knocking an opponent into oncoming traffic.
Unleash hitherto unknown beat-downs upon your unsuspecting, foolish, ill prepared, boorish enemies. And for your own sake, have fun while you do it. On a more serious note, the intricacies of the game-play require only mentally sound players, and any attempt to cheat or split you focus on anything besides the race at hand will undoubtedly end
in your demise. Be warned; Road Rash will only tolerate your undivided attention, and you should only give it what it deserves.
As the game progresses, the levels become more difficult—as is typical of video games—but do not be discouraged. The trials lay before you may seem insurmountable, and you may find yourself contemplating turning the game off. But stay strong. No challenge is too difficult. No obstacle is too large. And no self-respecting human being will let an outdated video game best them, unless, of course, you’re playing that Top Gun game for the Nintendo Entertainment System; it was impossible to land on the aircraft carrier. You know what I’m talking about.
And while we’re on the subject, did you ever notice how impossible Sonic the Hedgehog was? After the first couple of levels, my mind could barely keep up with what was going on. I’d always suffocate underwater or something like that. If you can help me out let me know. Seriously, I’d like some Sonic advice. I’m sick of Dr. Robotnic owning my nuts.
Anyway, back to the game at hand. I hope I have expressed lucidly and completely the epic feast of pleasure that is Road Rash — I just realized how funny this whole article would be if I dropped the “a” in “Road.” Do not fear oil spills. Focus on the task at hand, and know that you are the best. This game receives many thumbs-ups, stars, points, and whatever else is required to rate a truly magnificent video game.
Remember: You rule the game. You press the on button. You press the buttons that make the characters move. You are in control. The second you forget these facts, Road Rash will own you, and you will never be the same.
